Bloody hell. Four months since my last post?!? Where the hell has the time gone? Seriously. Why does it go so fast just when you get to the age when you don’t want it to go so fast? When I was little and waiting for anything, Christmas, a birthday, a trip to some amusement park, growing up, a bus, etc., time went annoyingly slowly. Now for any of those, except for a bus, time whizzes past and a year goes by in a blink when I WISH it would go more slowly. It’s like bending a book and flicking through the pages instead of turning them and reading it all properly.
But then there are moments that make me feel as if it’s not just being busy that makes time seem to pass more quickly; when people say, “time flies” when I tell them that one of my babies is two years old. I feel as if it’s probably not acceptable for me to feel this; that I should be so unbelievably in awe of my child that time passes in a flash, but to me, having a newborn to a two year old makes time almost stand still, and at the same time make me feel rushed off my feet. And I love babies, I do, but wow there are a lot of waking hours. Maybe that’s the thing. Because when you’re asleep, time isn’t really even a thing that you feel. How long is a dream again? Feels like a whole night sometimes, but isn’t it just like a couple of minutes or something? Am I awake?!?!?
So I am blogging in bed after a particularly tiring day and it won’t be long until I fall asleep, so let’s get on. F kept me up last night. I crawled into bed at around half past ten after hanging out the last load of laundry. I turned off the light and she stirred and started screaming because it was too dark. I had had enough yesterday, and I literally can’t sleep with the light on or with my head under the pillow, so I tried to let her go through it. Y is lying the other side of her not doing a bloody thing as usual. So I decided that I would do the same. Except that didn’t work out because F is loud, Y is a heavy sleeper and I am the lightest sleeper in the world, plus I am a woman who can’t stand the sound of a baby crying..especially right in my ear at bedtime. I can’t remember when she fell asleep, but she did eventually and so did I. She was sleeping ON me. She is 10 kilos now. It’s not really all that comfortable like it was when she was wee. In fact it’s like a bag of rice but with elbows and knees that move.
When the alarm went off at 6:15, I thought it was a mistake. I almost cried when I saw it wasn’t. We have almost got the working day routine down now though. I wake up with the alarm and snooze it approximately four times for ten minutes each time. I then prise myself out of bed and dash to wake H up and tell her to “hurry up, it’s past 7 o’clock!”. L is already up of course. He is up with the larks. I get my clothes, F’s clothes, my phone, F’s flask and anything else I am required to bring downstairs and put it in the laundry basket that I have up here from hanging the laundry the night before (proud of this XD). More often than not, that’s the only way I can do it in one journey, because F usually wants to be carried downstairs, although I’m not sure I want that to continue for much longer, since she’s quite capable of going downstairs by herself now. I dress F, sort her out with breakfast and sometimes put some toast on for the big kids while they help themselves to cereal or something gross like natto which stinks and makes me want to vomit. While they are eating, I get myself dressed and ready and make sure H and L have got their bags ready.
I’m glad L can do that by himself now with a bit of guidance. There have been times when I have picked him up from nursery and the teacher has told me that he had three handkerchiefs in his pocket or two towels in his bag. In the past I would have seen this as my fault..one point down for my mothering skills. Now I don’t give a toss. It’s liberating.
I also have to get F’s bag ready because she goes to the temporary pre-nursery class at the nursery where I work. That doesn’t take long though, but I am always forgetting to write her name on her nappy so that they can give it to me to take home..joy. Then H leaves at 7:40 in the car with Y or she walks a bit later on her own if she wants to/is too late for Y to wait around for her. I make coffee and eat breakfast while I’m standing up in the kitchen because I can’t relax when I have to go to work. Then we do teeth and shoes, which takes at least 8 whole precious minutes. I drop L off at nursery at 8 o’clock, then run back to the car carrying F and drive to my nursery. It takes around 25 minutes from dropping off L in the mornings, so not so bad. While I’m driving, I put Okaasan to issho (watch with mother type morning programme) on for F. It’s pretty much the same songs/activities daily. Depending on my location when each song comes on, I know whether I’m running on time or early/late. I am drinking my coffee in the car and slowly waking up a bit more.
On Tuesdays, I teach a class of 20 4/5 year olds in my own classroom for 40 minutes, followed by 3 consecutive 20 minute classes of 30 3/4 year olds in 3 different classrooms. It’s fun, and easy, but a bit tiring. So I finished today at 11 o’clock, was treated earlier to F not only not screaming the place down when I left her at nursery, but smiling and waving goodbye! We even met by chance while I was going from one room to another for the 3 year olds and it didn’t bother her at all! Progress! When I picked her up she was fine too. I drove us both back home where we had just under 2 hours before I had to leave for work again. I was so tired after last night that a part of me just wanted to go back to bed. Instead, after lunch I had more coffee, watched Corrie and folded laundry. For my second shift, MIL comes to look after F and wait for H to come home. I get back from teaching 5/6 year olds at the same nursery at just before 4 after I pick L up from extended care at his nursery.
I went into the kitchen to start making dinner. I planned to make mabo tofu, and it turned out that H had had that at school for lunch. Oh well, she didn’t seem to mind, thankfully. Then I remembered it was pancake day, and decided to do both. No lemons…bugger. Looked in the fridge for alternatives..only bottled lemon juice from at least a year ago that Y seems to think is still fine but that I think smells like feet. So bundled the 3 kids in the car and went off to buy lemons, because I am homesick and I wanted to make the effort to share the tradition with the children and eat proper pancakes with decent lemon juice on them. I remember once my mother cooked us Bird’s Eye Crispy Pancakes (frozen breadcrumbed things that weren’t even really pancakes with some gooey filling) on pancake day. While I completely understand where she was coming from as a mother, I was GUTTED at the time.
Back home and I attempted to cook a million pancakes while deciphering instructions on mabo tofu packet. Am grateful for Yoshikei for forcing me to learn cooking Japanese and find out that making mabo tofu from a packet mixture is a piece of piss and vow to do it much more often. As predicted, demand for pancakes is much higher than the speed at which I can produce them, but I get a few good tosses in so the children don’t mind waiting. At this point, I am feeling a bit like supermum, which is good because yesterday I didn’t feel like any kind of good mum.
I feed the cats, let the big children take care of themselves and F in the bath today because they are driving me mad with their bickering and fighting 24/7, like a married couple about to get divorced, and I have a little bit of firegazing time. They all get packed off to bed at 7:15, which isn’t bad! Then I take F up to bed, fold the laundry and put it away, then lay with her while she goes to sleep. Y rolls in and announces that he’s going out for a run…
It’s a long day is Tuesday. I am feeling knackered. How can I even contemplate a full-time job right now?!?! Maybe the fact that my working hours are decreasing isn’t such a bad thing. There’s always next year for more hours…it’ll fly by.