Big wimp

I joined the gym again.  I can say that with pride since the last two times I joined, I ended up losing around 15 kilos, twice and gaining a LOT more energy.  But, I had forgotten how hard it is at the beginning.  One week in and it’s hard not to feel hopeless, but I’m full of self-hate these days and in desperate need of something to be proud of besides my family.

Y had me join online this time, since you got a free towel…what is it with my husband and towels?    He even insists on keeping the crappy free ones that get given by workmen as an apology for making a racket at 8am and as cheap advertising.  These get turned into cleaning cloths, if they’re lucky.  So I asked him if it was going to be a pain in the arse for me to sort everything out when I got there.  My Japanese isn’t great, and I am particularly bad at understanding the very flowery formal/service Japanese.  He called them..omg..and did the, “my wife is incapable of doing anything by herself and can only communicate like a child
” speech..wait, I mean the “my wife is a foreigner whose Japanese isn’t great” speech.  I know he’s trying be helpful, but I die a little inside every time.  They assured him that there would be limited paperwork, I would have to sign one paper and that would be it.  So off I nervously went, on Monday night.   I handed in the bank info. form, and she went through about four pages of info. with me, had me write down my address and husband’s name (in kanji, thank God my teacher drilled me to death on this), read and sign a paper on personal privacy, and to top it all off, answer a questionnaire..limited paperwork…hmm..she didn’t give me my towel, but being me, I just wanted to get started.

Anyway, it went ok.  It was good to feel my body working again, and the drive there and back was a nice quiet break from the chaos of home.

Following day, Y decided to call to ask where my towel was..omg..and I’m guessing to complain about the paperwork considering that that evening, the man who he spoke to on the phone massively apologised to me.  I can take an apology, but after a while it gets a bit ott for me and just becomes embarrassing.  Then he had me wait while he hand wrote a letter for me to give to Y, telling him that he would call him the next day and apologise some more. 

Over a towel.

Tonight I was excited to come now that it’s all sorted and at the door, boy beeps my card, then takes it away and gives me a laminated card to give to the gym studio counter woman about free counselling or something.  I take it, because I want to get on, but I start to feel as if I’m going to start bloody crying.  This is so not a big deal.  Why the hell am I getting upset?! Then it hits me.  Culture stress has turned me into a big fat wuss.  I am fiercely independent and stubborn, but I also don’t like to cause a fuss and am pretty shy to the point that I become anti-social and it’s getting worse!  I’m taking Japanese lessons, but wow, it took me ten years of actual STUDY to become fluent in German.  I’ve only properly studied here for an hour a week for a year or so.  This is going to be rough…Y edits what I say, because he won’t interpret for me if he doesn’t agree with what I’m saying…

So I did what every big fat wuss does.  I went to the massage chair and told you about it.  I’m delaying leaving, because no doubt that will cause more fuss and confusion when they find out that I just left their card on the unattended counter…

To be continued…

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