Back and Forth

It’s been a tough week.  And yes, it’s been a week.  I took the children out to the park on Friday afternoon, after H finished kindergarten at 11 o’clock so the teachers could prepare for next weeks graduation ceremony.  There was nobody at the park.  We stayed until about 3:30 and then when we got home, I switched on the television.  They had done a minute’s silence in memory of the lives lost in the earthquake.  It had been a week to the day and the time.  I had missed it.  We had been playing at the park.  I felt very inconsiderate.  And then it all came flooding out.  That hadn’t happened until last Friday and Saturday.  I put Thomas on for the children, and then went and sat in the dining room and had a good cry.  I haven’t been turning on the news until the children are in bed.  I’ve been explaining the long lines at the petrol station with a smile, along with the aftershocks, the powercuts and the lack of bread, etc. 

And then I found out it’s been a week.  Just a week seems so short, and yet it feels as if it’s been going on for about a month.  I’ve been back and forth on a daily basis at least 10 times, everytime I read on FB that someone has decided to move south, or to leave the country.  I’ve been checking flights, reading nuclear power reports, consulting people who know more than I do, and it’s exhausting, utterly exhausting.  Even more so by the fact that Y has hardly been home from work this week.  He’s been dealing with evacuees coming to hospitals in Gunma (he currently works in the special needs department of the prefecture), plus the fact that March is ALWAYS busy, so some days he hasn’t come home at all.  I know I have to be strong, and as I said in my last post, I know how unbelievably lucky I am.  But to be honest, it’s been really tough.  So I had a good cry, and thanks to FB (wow, how great has that been at gaining information and support this week?!?), watching The Office and chatting on messenger with my Mum and sisters, I feel better.  Not all the way.  Of course that won’t come until the nuclear incident is stabilised and the quakes have stopped enough to let people rebuild their homes and us to get back to normal.  But I realise that I can’t be strong all the time, and that having a good cry and getting it out is not only a good idea, but essential.  I highly recommend it.  Have a good weekend xxx

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4 thoughts on “Back and Forth

  1. I can totally relate to this post and only today do I feel mentally exhausted from the constant news updates, twitter earthquake reports and people leaving. The actual quakes don’t get me, but the fact that things are in suspended motion is a little jarring at times. Thankfully my the kids I teach seemed unaffected by all the commotion which took my mind of things for a few days last week and Tak has been around in the evenings and on the weekend to help bolster my spirits. Just our little short outings where I see people drinking their Starbucks or eating free samples at the bakery has helped my sanity 🙂
    Stay strong, you are doing amazingly! Since I’ve only just found your blog (god i’m slow at times) I’m going to read back a bit before I ask the stupidly obvious questions I have now… like “what does your hub do?” 😛 Forgive me…

  2. Thanks Joey! Well if you are slow, then so am I 😉 Now I found your blog too, he he. I agree with the distractions completely. On that first weekend, life just seemed to stop. From the Friday to the Saturday, we stayed at home, glued to all sources of information and shaking through the aftershocks. On Sunday, we decided to take the children out to the park. There were lots of children there. It was a warm sunny day. Everything seemed normal. I learned much more in that hour or so at the park than I had sitting at home on the edge of my seat. So when I go to work and go about the usual daily stuff, I think it helps. It’s always there at the back (or should I say more towards the middle) of my mind, and when I see a news report about another body pulled out of the wreckage I shed a tear and feel wretched, and then go on about my day. I feel guilty about feeling normal sometimes, but what else can I do? Life goes on.

    Oh, and my husband is a civil servant, nothing to forgive.

  3. I totally understood exactly what you wrote here.

    It has been a trying time for many- I just keep telling myself how lucky I am but it can`t always stop the tears coming out.

  4. You are right Lulu. And I think it’s good for us to cry too. We ARE very lucky, but we also deserve to feel stress and despair too xxx

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