Ramblings

I’m really sad that I seem to have lost my blogging mojo…I often think of things that I can blog about, but then for one reason or another, I don’t get around to it.  I think a lot of it is to do with the children, L especially, not liking it when I sit down at the computer.  And already after writing the above, my daughter has interrupted me twice, firstly for a new box of tissues, and secondly to write her teddy’s name on a brown paper bracelet she made for him.  I always feel rushed to write something and then it’s not really how I wanted to convey whatever I am writing about.  I started my blog (way back when on Yahoo) and it was private, just for me and my family.  I was a “bored pregnant woman”, which in retrospect seems very funny, because I really WAS bored…and now I wish I had that kind of time to while away again!  Having said that, it’s mostly a case of bad time management, I’m sure, plus the fact that I spend my evenings out of the house at the gym, so my house time is fairly limited. 

The other night, after working my Tuesday afternoon/evening stint at the kindergarten, the children and I stopped off at the steakhouse on the way home.  We used to often go for fast food on Tuesday nights, but to be honest, the cost, and the fact that I used to feel crappy after eating it led me to search for alternatives.  This particular steakhouse has an amazing childrens menu.  Unlike most, there is a middle ground between baby food and primary school age childrens food.  The children can get a burger (no bun) and rice for 290 yen.  It’s a decent sized burger, at least it’s often too much for L.  The downside is that there are no veggies involved, but then fast food wouldn’t have that either, and I can give them some of mine when my meal comes.  You can get a small plate of chips/fries for 90 yen, a jumbo prawn for 90 yen, etc. etc. and the drink bar is free up to the age of five.  My meal however, costs around 600 yen, which is great, but when you include the cost of the rice and the drink bar, it comes to about 1000  (at lunch time, it’s all inclusive 600 yen).  All in all though, it works out at about 300 yen more than McDonalds, and we all get to drink as much as we like and sit in a lovely cosy booth, so it’s nice when I don’t have time to make sandwiches to eat for dinner on the way home.

It was after I read that my burger and tiny chicken breast contained 1200 calories that my eyes popped out of my head.  I’m only trying to eat 2000 a day, and that tips me over for sure!  I truly have a problem with food these days.  I eat when I’m not hungry, I eat when I don’t have to, I eat when I don’t even WANT to..that is seriously weird for me.  I do know though that I definitely can’t have chocolate in the house, I can’t bake more than one fairy cake each, and I can’t store anything that takes the rip of a packet to eat.  At night it’s the worst.  I think that’s one of the great things about the gym.  It gets me away from the kitchen.  It must be just boredom, right?  Or I am in search of something that makes me happy?  I don’t really know.  Whatever it is, it must stop.  I am working out about four times a week, and for what?  Stress relief, sure, and cardio benefits aplenty, but I really do want to trim down at least another 4 kilos, ideally 6  I am wearing a size bigger since Christmas and I don’t feel that I look good in clothes now, my stomach sticks out like a preggy bump, which is when I start feeling crappy.  Even though I know all of this, I really feel as if I should be locking myself away from food.  I watch The Biggest Loser programme (thanks Mum!) and it motivates me.  I know I would despise it, but I really wish I were there.  To be constantly motivated and shouted at.  I know I have it in me, and if it were the exercise, I would be there already, but the food…the portion sizes and the type of food…I’ve started slipping, and the scales are there to remind me of it.

So tonight, I’m off to the gym.  And when the gym is closed, or I’m shattered, I am going to bed early.  That last Tuesday night, I fell asleep with the children at 9 o’clock, woke up at 6 o’clock and got so much done in the early morning.  I hate that groggy feeling in the morning, and of course, that is one of the drawbacks of the gym at night.  Once the children are both at nursery, I’m considering changing my membership or just doing some walking outside in the day time, then going to the gym for a shorter time in the evening, just for the weights.  But of course I’ll have to fit that in with the work that I’ll have to be doing to pay for the nursery!

On the subject of work, I got myself new students for Sunday afternoons.  I currently teach T on a Sunday morning, but her graduate study is finishing this month, so she’ll be going back to Tokyo from April.  She said she is planning on visiting once a month for more research so wants a lesson with me once a month if I’m free.  Of course, because she is a great student and a pleasure to teach!  So my Sunday afternoon students are a family.  I drive to their house at 3 o’clock, teach their two children (four and nine year old girls) for an hour, then the couple for another hour after that.  It’s a great earner for me, and the family is pretty well-off, but very friendly too, so I’m really happy about that so far.  Plus these are my students and not through my agent, so the pay is better too.  It sucks that it’s on a Sunday, but at least then the children are with Y, so I don’t worry about their welfare so much (SO much…). 

Then my Tuesday stint…not thinking that it would last longer than a year, I booked a trip home from end of July until end of September…apparently my agent had it in mind to keep me at that kindergarten again.  The students would be new, because the current students are all in the highest class there, so off to primary school next month.  His first plan was to put a temporary teacher there while I was gone, then bring me back in.  After talking to the head, however, she wasn’t happy with a teacher change, so he’s going to put a full-time teacher there instead.  I can’t pretend I’m sad to be honest (apart from the loss in the budget).  The students are mostly great (who knows what the new ones will be like), and I am left alone to teach independently, but the hours really suck.  We don’t get home until about seven, which is usually bedtime.  And putting the children in daycare after H had already had a full day at kindie was hard on her.  He is trying to find me something for the mornings when I get back, so that will be great if he can.

So that’s my “news”, or at least the part of it that’s on my mind right now.  I hope now I’ve broken the silence, I can post more often…